Chinese Chows

I’m going to make Chinese food.  Something noodley.  I wonder how they feel about this craze.  When I hear European Americans mispronounce Indian menu items, I think, “You poor little lamb.”  I want to take them to the restroom at the book store like a third grade teacher and school the poor bastards.  It’s humbling when I am schooled :p.

Years ago, my family hired a cook in Africa.  The infamous Chacha of 6th Ave.  He had a red beard and the fashion sense of a fisherman, tho I doubt he’d ever seen the business end of a Land’s End catalog.  He made chicken that was the color of the devil .  Fire engine, lung, strawberry red.  Devil-on-a-hot-sauce-bottle red.  I recently stumbled upon that same dish at a fundraiser and someone said it was tandoori.  “Tandoori what?” I asked, under the impression that tandoori was an adjective for food made in a certain type of oven.  As it turns out, it’s just a mixture of spices.  Like garam masala.  Who knew?

Chicken scares me.  Raw carbon life forms freak me out to no end.  The spices always smell so nice on tandoori chicken, though.  So I think I would like to make the mix and then marinate paneer in it.  Paneer is a very, very flavorless cheese, the Indian tofu.  So I bet it’d be excellent for absorbing the flavor of the tandoori spice mixture.

Dance With My Father

Every time I hear Luther Vandross’ Dance With My Father, it’s like the very first time I cried.  A few years ago, my high school took us to see Nuttin’ But Strings, two brothers from Queens who play the violin.  It was unbelievable.  Here’s their version of the late Mr Vandross’ Grammy Award-winning masterpiece.

Make every day Father’s Day.  You won’t regret it.

I found it! Dramatic, sem-truthful Indians with maybe a drinking dad thrown in! Yahtzee, beetches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can barely contain myself.  This is the fountain of Jhumpa Lahiri’s youth with a bust of Bharati Mukherjee from whose mouth spills blue, clear water.  It reflects the  endless sky of INDIANS!!!  Yayyyy!  Finally they remove their pocket protectors, worn-ou I’ve-had-a-long-day-and Radhika-just-doesn’t-get-me Borders denizen expressions and have bared their semi-automatic half-truths called souls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Popular Culture

Whatever the hell that means. So this is a post devoted to all things read about, heard about, gleaned everywhere and then seen somewhere else.  For example, I was just reading Darby Conley’s wikipedia page and I came across the name of a comic strip/cartoon I’d never heard of, “The Adventures of Tintin”.  But this episode of The Simpsons mentions it.  See?

Carpet cleaner!

I just devoured half  bagel and the whole thing tasted like the smell of a sewing machine/vaccuum cleaner shop.  What the hell!!!!!!!!!

Quotes

I absolutely filled my “Favorite  Quotes” field to capacity on my Facebook profile.  They’re still my favorite quotes, but I need more room for new quotes.  So this is the Quote graveyard, like Ben&Jerry’s Flavor Graveyard.

 

A tyrant is but a slave turned inside out.

 

No one wants to be the guy who brings a knife to a gunfight. – Wes McBride

Don’t start nothin, won’t be nothin.

When you look into the abyss, the abyss looks into you. – Friedrich Nietzsche

To speak a second language is to possess a second soul.

If I wanted to be around drunks who hate me, I’d go home for Christmas.

I never hated a man enough to give back a diamond. – Zsa Zsa Gabor

If you’re so private, talk to your damned self! – My mother upon seeing “Private Caller” on ze Caller ID

Why buy a dog if you’ll have to bark yourself? – My mom, on why husbands should financially support wives

Standing in a two hour line makes people worry that they’re not living in a democratic nation. – David Sedaris

There’s no such thing as strangers, only friends you haven’t met. – the Irish

When a woman isn’t beautiful, people always say, ‘You have lovely eyes, you have lovely hair.’ – Anton Chekhov

Clarice Starling: If you didn’t kill him, then who did, sir?
Hannibal Lecter: Who can say. Best thing for him, really. His therapy was going nowhere.

Norrington: You are without a doubt the worst pirate I’ve ever heard of.
Jack: But you have heard of me. – Pirates of the Carribbean

“There are some situations one simply cannot be neutral about, because when you are neutral you are an accomplice. Objectivity doesn’t mean treating all sides equally. It means giving each side a hearing.” – Christiane Amanpour

Why are all brides beautiful? Because on their wedding day they care about how they look. There are no ugly women – only women who don’t care or who don’t believe they’re attractive. – Estee Lauder

Moulding… Always.

When you transition from waffling teenager to the understanding that you can become absolutely anything you choose, you start to look around more.  You look at the people around you and how they spend their time “engaged in guessing”, and what about, you look at television personalities and read the dust jackets of all the great classics and suddenly – It hits you.  You can choose anyone to play you for the next fifty-two years we call Life.

Last night I found myself  observing a conversation about the recent  dramatically accelerated evolution of rattlesnakes, and I had absolutely nothing to contribute.  I mean, fuck all.  It was sobering. 

Since I was about twelve, most adults I spoke to seemed to think I was rather precocious, sometimes even wise.  I don’t know why my mom paid them, I didn’t need the self-esteem!  So since then, I’ve pretty much been resting on my, “Why yes, Mr. Wilson, I am rather awesome.  Here’s my autograph on a Post-It, don’t spend it all in one place” laurels and not really making a conscious effort (aside from pilfering other peoples’ blog headlines) to keep up the appearance of staying ahead of the unwashed masses.  Yeah, right!  I pawned my loofah last week.

And so I’ve realised that I really, really need to dust off my inverted dunce cap and read a book or two so I don’t backslide into the airheaded existence my sister said I’d have fallen victim to years ago had she not been the Family Literate.  Damn sunnis!  So I took the first step today and googled “how to be well-read.”  It’s been a while, blow me ok!

And here’s what I found.

• How To Read And Why, Harold Bloom – The first resource is a book!  Hooray for idiots :p!  *raises hand*  Let’s see if we can find that here in South Africa or order it thru Amazon.  Or we can just steal it from scribd.  Dammit, they’ve only got it in Spanish.
• So Many Books - Someone’s blog.  The book links in this person’s blogroll are freaking incredible!
• The Little Guide to Your Well-Read Life, Steve Leveen – See Point 1 :p
• Book World - Blog referenced at So Many Books
• How to become well read – DIY Life - And what list of how to do anything would be complete without a few tips from DIY Life?

Connections

Quite randomly, the thought popped into my head that John Hannah looks a lot like one of my cousins I recently re-discovered at another cousin’s wedding (it’s been six years since I was last here).  I had just finished watching Madeline, and I changed the channel, and you guessed it, it’s John Hannah in McCallum:  City of The Dead. 

I’d seen something a few weeks ago in which he played a mentally disturbed dude suspected for his mother’s murder.  I googled the keywords about seven times, and – eureka, here it is!  Finally.

Fabric softener?

Wow, Radio Islam has opened my beady eyes to new kitchen remedies yet again!  I knew about the tomato to absorb salt in a dish that’s too salty, but I had no idea that you could, “Add hot water to the [burnt] pan with a used fabric softener sheet from your
laundry.  Let soak and the burnt crust will lift right off.”

And why am I up?  Bedtimes happen for a reason.  Class is at 9.  *eyebrow raise, head slightly turned to impress non-viewers.  Like when you tell people your grandmother’s living a past life where she gets eaten by a mongoose.